Maybe if I Journal hard enough, the answers will come to me. Maybe if I pray hard enough God will finally talk to me. Maybe if I become good enough…
For what?
For happiness, of course
What is happiness?
I don’t know I don’t know if I’ve ever known
Then how do you know you want it?
Well, I know I want less like I want-to-die-ness
OK, less want-to-die-ness
Do you think something in particular will give you that?
Certainly! Skinniness, beauty, wealth, success, a lover, lots of close friends and family
Have you had all those things before?
Yes, but never all the same time
OK, so having them all at the same time is the solution?
Yes, maybe!
And have you been in pursuit of all of these things at the same time?
Yes, for a while now
And how is that working out?
…
So maybe the goal isn’t to believe less of want-to-die-ness isn’t in having all of these things
but in understanding you’ll never have all of them all of the time.
And you might have none of them at one time but
… but what! That sucks!
It can.
Yeah
Or it can be an adventure.
Think of it like a game!
This game isn’t very fun
What makes games not fun?
When I’m not good at them
Well, that would insinuate that there is a way to be good at THIS game
Hmmm
There’s no right way, babe
You make it what it is
Fuck the rules, fuck the shoulds
OK universe, but I’m so sad
I know, you feel deeply. It’s by design.
But what do I do with this sadness?
Use it.
Okay.
